Sad

April 28th, 2006 at 05:12 am

I gave hubby our "State of our State" address yesterday and as touched on in my No Refi entry, it did not go well. He really wants me to go to work full time and I am dead set againist it. I want to raise my kids myself! I know I have not been the best steward of our money, but we are not living in a cardboard box! I make our payments on-time and pay more every month. Yes, vet bills were a killer, but should I have just paid $60 to have her put down instead of $500 to keep her alive? No dental insurance last year and $3000 in dental bills, should I have put DD down? I'm not saying its all bills and no "Junk". But everytime we overspent eating out, you can bet his butt was in the chair next to mine eating his fill! I am reflecting on Priceplus and his struggles and wonder if this is how my husband sees me? As a giant spend thrift? He buys for himself when he wants, I buy for 5 people and 3 pets. Why is everything my "fault?" I am trying to bring it around, yes we have had greater CC debt before we have had to pull ourselves out of (all my fault before, I'm sure), but now things are under control. Yes, we have debt, but we are okay! Food on the table. He keeps saying now that I am going to kill him, having to work to keep up with my "extravagant" lifestyle. I do not buy clothes, get my haircut, get manicures, have huge stashes of "stuff" that I bought for no reason. When I do buy clothes, I go to the thrift store, my girls have some new things, but mostly hand me downs and garage sale stuff. Sorry, I just needed to vent! I'm having a pity party!

Posted in Not necessarily financial | 9 Comments »

9 Responses to “Sad”

Thrifty Ray Says:
April 28th, 2006 at 05:19 am 1146201598
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This is a tough one. I sincerely wish you luck coming to an agreement with your DH.
baselle Says:
April 28th, 2006 at 06:57 am 1146207458
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Hey, wait a minute! He wants you take on a full-time office job? And he complains about your spending? Well, it ain't cheap to get office appropriate clothes. It ain't cheap to drive to work. It ain't cheap to have someone babysit/put the children in daycare. Sometimes this decision is literally a wash fiscally; you're making some but you are spending more.
LuckyRobin Says:
April 28th, 2006 at 07:47 am 1146210421
1146210421

Sometimes it comes down to one spouse not wanting to take any personal responsibility for any financial bind you are in. If he can put it all on you, that if you got a job all your money problems would be gone, than he doesn't have to do anything to adjust the lifestyle he is comfortable with. Since he can't get his way by having you get a job, he stubbornly holds onto the things he doesn't want to cut out. I don't know if this is the case with your husband or not, but I've sure seen it happen to a lot of couples.
PrincessPerky Says:
April 28th, 2006 at 12:09 pm 1146226198
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I know I am liucky, my husband would be rather upset if he needed help to support us..

I would seriously look into the two income trap, or another book on the cost of having two jobs. It might help your DH to see the figures that sending you to work isn't going to help.

How old are your girls?
PrincessPerky Says:
April 28th, 2006 at 12:58 pm 1146229116
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here is one calculator for how mcuh a second job would actually make.

http://www.crown.org/Tools/mommake.asp

I havn't used it though so I don't know how good it is.
kashi Says:
April 28th, 2006 at 01:39 pm 1146231548
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I have a friend in a very similar situation...but she DOES work. It's not fun buying for everyone in the family plus the pets and having the spouse buy only for himself. I'd crunch the numbers for him - including work attire, daycare, and commuting costs - and show him how much you'd really be making. Sending good thoughts your way!
boomeyers Says:
April 28th, 2006 at 02:31 pm 1146234716
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Thanks for the support guys! My husband does not spend extravagently on himself by any means, but he can buy without a though. He mows my parents lawn and uses that money for golf most of the time.
My girls are 8-11-13. Not old enough in my eyes to watch themselves on a daily basis for 9 or 10 hours. This is my dream job, the only one I wanted when I was growing up and I can only have it for a short time and I'm GOOD at it. (Except on those days when you feel like the worst parent in the world!:-) )
My next plan of action is to have HIM call around and look for daycare for them for this summer. Let him find out !
I am working part time now, but they had cut my hours back severely, so it is not like I have'nt been contributing anything!
Okay, enough more rant for today!
mjrube94 Says:
April 28th, 2006 at 02:32 pm 1146234763
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Also, is he aware of what you are spending your money on? My husband has no idea how much our electric bill, grocery bill, water bill, etc. are. When we go over the state of the state, if it's not as rosy a picture as he'd like, I have to remind him that our satellite bill is $92, our cell phone bill is $72, etc. (as well as remind him of the positives - 401k savings, 529 savings). He knows the next thing coming from my mouth is to sit down together and go over each category and see where he thinks we can cut back, and that usually ends the conversation...
boomeyers Says:
April 28th, 2006 at 03:09 pm 1146236972
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No he is not aware and every time I try to tell him, he closes his ears and runs away! I did include the good things, equity in our home, investments. He just can't see past certain things. I will try to sit him down and see where he thinks we could cut back. Good idea!

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Boomeyers's Digging Out of Debt

Trying to keep on the straight and narrow path to financial freedom!

Sad

9 Responses to “Sad”

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